momento mori- "remember that you must die"- thank you kris :)


i woke up today and went straight to the kitchen, i cooked pancit canton with an egg. i drank coffee... i've seriously forgotten how good it really tastes. it's mother's day, and i thought it would be a perfectly laid back day. but no.

(tagalog vibe kicking in)
kinumbidahan ako- napilitan ako pumunta sa bahay ng lola ko kasi may marathon ang "the nanny" sa hallmark channel ng 11:00-1:00 pm. naligo, nagbihis, nag-ahit. ayun. malamig ngayon sa 'pinas, dahil dinaanan ng bagyo. katapat lang namin ang bahay ni lola, pumasok ako sa bahay- naamoy ang amoy mg matamis na gata at kamatis.

pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay- nagulat ako kasi tatlo lang kaming sumama kay lola. si auntie ate, si mama. nandun din si tia tita, si auntie mely- pero hindi naman sila gaanong nagsalita. kumuha ako ng plato kahit busog ako- isang subong kanin at sarsa ng afritada lang kinain ko dahil hindi ko trip mag ginatan.

bigla na lang sinabi ni mama- "ate, alam mo ba si nanay,

nagpapagawa na ng ataul" (ataul=coffin)

natigilan ako. kasi nakuha pa nilang tumawa, at sa aking gulat...

nakikitawa rin si lola.

sabi ko- lola, antayin mo muna matapos birthday mo. masyado naman po kayo.

hindi ako pinakinggan ni lola. sabi nya lang. wa'syang paki. basta gusto nya yung coffin nya, may notes on the side of the exterior, yung mga notes, piesa daw ng kanta ni lolo babet sa kanya "laging balisa" . tapos naka engrave yung kanta nila ni lolo. "one day when we were young" sa takip ng kabaon.

"demn!" sa isip ko. parang ready na si lola ma-tsugi.

sabi ni lola. gusto nya, simple lang daw ang coffin nya, gawa sa kahoy. ayaw nya ng bongga o kahit ang anik-anik sa FRP nya. (final resting place) gusto nya, naka bistida sya. may salamin sa mata, nakasumbrero sya- tapos nakasabit ang wedding gown nya sa leeg na.

i know. very freaky.

so, nakitawa na rin ako. (alam ko... ipokrita! :P hehehe!)

tapos sabi nya, ayaw nya na pumunta sa loyola para maburol. gusto nya, sa bahay nya... (oh may gad. 5 steps away from our gate! :O )

sabi nya sakin. gusto nya, pag make-upan sya ng embalsamador- gusto nya maganda sya at... naka-smile... (natatakot na ba kayo?!?!)

tinanong ko si lola... ba't ka pa poporma, 'la. eh patay na kayo, diba? baka mas lalong walang tumingin sa ataul nyo. imbis na iyakan ka nila... baka sundan ka nila sa kakatawa.

sabi niya: "kung may magtanong kung bakit ganoon ang porma ko...sabihin mo, pupunta kong excursion sa langit"

KONYO ALERT.....
i'm surprised by lola's gung-ho attitude. lemme rephrase that- she looked at death as a positive thing. she enjoyed discussing what she'd want when she dies. it was almost like she talked about what her wedding plans would be. i actually, well. salute her for that. that's how everyone should view life. she is a whole lotta woman because she "ain't afraid" to expire.

i don't know why people go to lengths just to live long and kick themselves in the ass, and what do they do to make others comfortable? absolutely nothing.

well, some people are like that.

and what's ugly is the good people usually are the ones that have good hearts and intentions, they die early. some people who live long are backstabbing, most of the time conniving. maybe the reason they're afraid to die is because they can just imagine how hot it is being in hell.

the point i want to get across is that everyone dies. and that there's no erase or rewind in life. even if you do have all the money in the world (that would be nice, wouldn't it?) how will you spend it? can you use the money to bring you back childhood? the friends that went ahead of you and died early? well, can you?

can money buy you a decent, simple family?

this- i thought of and cried. sure, you diet and try to lose weight so you can live long enough to be hot and be a picture of health. you try not to eat rice and not smoke. but are you immortal?

sure, it's nice to look good... but when you are rotten as hell inside- you're better off dead. some people go to jail, have sex, or kill just to put food in their stomachs.

i don't how some people will react to this but...

"what's the point of keeping yourself alive if you're gonna die anyway?"

because your loved ones need you?
because you want to live a full life?
because you have a dream?

well...
when have you become loving to people who need you the most?
have you really put a great effort in living your dream and living up to your own expectations?

well, have you?

----------------->
that gave me a headache :)

~~~~~